Job-hunting and dating – five similarities you never knew
I have always said there are so many similarities between jobs and relationships. With employees spending upwards of 40 hours per week at work, it is clear how our happiness in our careers can impact us on the same level as our relationship can. What is, not so often talked about however, is the process of finding a job (or new job) and finding the perfect partner.
When we want something for our life; whether it is a family, financial freedom, friends, a new job or a partner, we can set our minds on making it happen and go about the steps we need to take to bring it into our lives. It can be demoralising, however, when it does not happen quickly, and it seems like our efforts are going to waste.
As I watch friends navigate the dating world, and listen to my clients navigate the employment world, it made me realise that both realms have many similarities. People struggling to find jobs go through many of the same emotions as people looking for a partner and I outline some of them here:
- Ghosting
What is with the ghosting? When did this become acceptable in the dating world and the recruitment sphere? Where have basic manners gone and professionalism? If someone is taking their time to go on a date, attend an interview or apply for a job, the least the other can do is communicate! I wonder if the ‘easiness’ of online dating and job applications has made it so depersonalized that, with the volume of interest, people have the luxury of only focusing on the ones they are interested in. But it has resulted in human decency going out the window.
- Rejection
During the job-hunting process, according to LinkedIn, it takes an average of 21-80 jobs applied for, before being offered one. The average job advertised receives 250 applicants and, in the UAE, this is closer to 750. With this in mind, rejection is an inevitable part of the process, yet can be extremely difficult to deal with. Similarly, an article in the Washington post by dating coach Rachel Kramer Bussel, states it can take 121 first dates before finding your forever partner. So, buckle in job seekers and singletons, we need to be in for the long haul! Rejection is part of the game unfortunately, and it is important to try find a way to detach from the outcome too much and enjoy the process, but this is not easy.
- The awkward first dates/ interview
Some people know within seconds of an interview or date starting that it is not going to work, and it is not for them, yet we have to sit through the awkward interaction and go along with it until it is socially acceptable to leave and breathe again. We have made an effort to dress in our best outfit, do our hair, wear nice shoes and look the part to make the best impression, and then we arrive, and it becomes apparent it was a waste of time due to immediate red flags, or feeling like we made a good impression only to be let down.
- The hope
With every date and every interview, there is undoubtably hope that the search will be over. We start to imagine how happy we will feel with that part of our life completed and not having to waste any more time or energy searching. We imagine the fulfillment, the happiness, the security, and the challenge for this new era of our life with our goal achieved. We start to visualize our life with the perfect job or the perfect partner and imagine feeling so content that the search will be over. And then it isn’t. And it is demoralizing. A huge amount of resilience is required to venture out into the dating or job-hunting world, and it is definitely not for the faint hearted.
- The feeling of failure
When we try something repeatedly, and do not succeed, it is natural to feel that there is something wrong with us. Are we unemployable or undate-able? Is there something wrong with us at the core that turns employers or potential partners off? Should we give up? Should we take a break? It is mentally exhausting and physically taxing putting time and effort aside to seek a goal and constantly be left feeling like a failure. Are our standards too high? Are we looking for something that does not exist? Is there no one out there that can see the potential in us to be ‘the one’?
Moral of the story
If you are in this cycle, the good news is, that you are already closer to that outcome that you dream of than you know. You took the first, scary step and believed it was possible for you to get that job or find your future partner. So many people give up just before the perfect job or person comes into their lives. So many people drop their standards and go for second best, or experiences similar to their pasts because they were too afraid to persist in their search for the one who deserved to be with them or the dream job. You, on the other hand, are on the way, and who knows if the next date, or the next ten job interviews will get you to exactly what you are looking for, but what is important to remember is the there is no such thing as failure, only feedback, so you have learned so much about what you do not want that it makes you even clearer on what exactly you are wanting for your life.