Stop the fear of embarrassment from holding you back

Most of us, at some time in our life have refused to do something in case we get laughed at, mocked or shamed. Whether it is karaoke with friends, standing on a stage to present something at work, starting a new hobby, running a race or even posting something on social media.

One of my first memories was when I was 4 and lived in Dubai with my parents. I had learned to swim at 3 years old and there was a swimming competition to swim 50m. I was so scared of looking stupid I pulled out before the race started and when the race happened, there were only 2 people taking part and I could have beaten them both. I would have been given the medal, I would have won, and I would have felt so proud – the total opposite of being embarrassed! But fear stopped me, and I never got it!

On another occasion, I was in Gambia with my sister when I was 26 and we had the hotel almost to ourselves. I was sunbathing in jeans because I was too embarrassed to show my legs. The pool was empty and glistening and, as a total water baby, it was calling my name so much. It was hot and I wanted to dive in so badly. I sat and looked around. There was a couple with a little girl of around 3 years old and an older couple reading books. THAT WAS IT! I sat for a good hour working out how to get in the pool without them seeing me in a swimming costume.

Eventually I thought, ‘What is actually going to happen? The worst-case scenario is they look up from their books and family and think to themselves ‘Wow, she is fat’ then get on with their lives. They will not shout across the pool or laugh at me’. It was then I realized that this fear of embarrassment makes us very self-centred. It makes us think we are the most important thing to other people, when really the book or playing with their daughter was much higher up their list of important ways to spend time than looking at me and laughing at me showing my legs! Other people are generally thinking about themselves too much to even notice other people, so it is very unlikely you will be mocked, laughed at, or even look stupid.

This fear of embarrassment can actually cause you to hold yourself back so much in life, by not putting yourself forward for new things or jobs you could do. It can stop you meeting people who could fill your life with joy and can stop you from making money that would make your life the way you want it.

There is only one rule to stop the fear of embarrassment and it is simply DO IT!

For people with phobias and deep fears, the thought of doing the very thing that they are scared of, send shivers down their spine and fills them with anxiety. But we have to always remember, ‘ the worst that can happen is the thing we are scared of, and is it that bad to be embarrassed, or to fail or to be rejected by someone? Is it the end of the world? Did anyone get seriously hurt or injured? NO.

So, people may laugh at you or remember you. Is that a reflection of you or them? If someone who you do not know goes home and tells his// her family about you doing something that took a lot of courage to do; one – you will never know about it and two, it really shows that person in a bad light to not have the empathy to realise that took a lot of courage for you.

I am not saying that it is easy to face a fear that has been holding you back and I am not saying to just throw yourself in and do it now. It may need small steps to get to that stage, but deciding that you are willing to try is a good start. Once you have decided to do it, set a plan of small steps, building up to doing the very thing you are scared of.

One thing I guarantee that you will feel once you have done it, is pride. You will feel so proud of yourself for fighting your fear that the people you were worried about being embarrassed by will not even enter your head. I know it is hard but we must stop caring what others think of us and live a life true to ourselves.

So, tell yourself that you can do it, ignore anyone else and what they do or say then build yourself up to doing it. YOU CAN DO IT and the more that you push yourself out of your comfort zone, the more you will prove to yourself that other people’s approval is the last thing you need for a happy life.