Each job is a lesson or a blessing – even the bad ones.

I am a firm believer in the saying ‘what is for you won’t go by you’ and really believe that everyone we meet, each opportunity we are given and everything that happens, is for a reason – that reason being to teach us something about ourselves or others, or to better our lives.

Some jobs fly under the radar as being OK, nothing special or just passing the time between other roles, but others are remembered for being great, challenging or life saving.

It is difficult to believe that there is a lesson in having a job with a toxic boss, being micro-managed or being treated unfairly, but it is teaching us what we will no longer accept and helping us to create strong boundaries for ourselves. Remember that we are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

When I think back to all the toxic behaviour I have experience or witnessed in my working life since the age of 15, it has shaped me into knowing what I can put up with, what I can ignore and what needs to be addressed. Even my paper round from the age of 12-15 helped me realise I did not want to work outside in the cold in Scotland. I was so excited when I got a job in a card shop after that!

Other jobs may help you understand that you do not want a long commute to work, you do not like sharing offices with people, that you do not like working with a certain age group or that you cannot work shifts because they mess with your routine. They all teach us something.

Even when I think back to the times I have been screamed at, had things thrown at me and gone home crying for hours and hours, it all helped me realise one important thing…I deserve better.

I did not want a life of dreading work, sitting in the car anxious before going into the building. I did not want to be around people who were mean and who threw around their negative energy with criticism, gaslighting or putting others down. I did not want a boss whom I was scared to ask for time off from for a family funeral. I did not want to spend my working days having to put up with things in schools which would be arrestable offences in the real world. And I did not want to work in jobs where I felt it made no difference if I turned up for work or not.

All these things made me take action: I stood up for myself, I spoke to people to raise awareness, I read up on emotional intelligence and did my MSc in Leadership so I could research what good and poor leadership was. And ultimately, I left jobs for better opportunities and often more money because I understood that I did not deserve to be treated that way and would not spend any more time in those environments.

So, if you are unhappy in your job, perhaps start by writing a list of pros and cons. Write all the things you like, down to small things such as your car parking space and you commute to work, your office, your hours and your colleagues. Even details such as the food you can get at work or the things your boss does to make you feel special. Do the same for your list of things you do not like and, with that list, highlight the most important ones. Is there anything you can do to get a better parking space such as arrive earlier or get a promotion? Is there a way to make your colleague aware of how much they are gossiping? Or can you avoid it?

The key is to stop being around things which bring you down and to realise you are worthy and deserving of great things. Go and speak politely to the person criticizing you and check out their reaction. If you can read people well, this is a great activity to do for perspective. And if things do not change, or get so bad that you cannot find ways to avoid it, leaving your job may be the best thing for you. So many new lessons and blessings will come out of the new job too and so it continues on.

You do not need to be in a job which is filled with toxicity and negativity. Use the lessons you have learnt to create new opportunities for yourself and stand up for yourself in the knowledge that there are workplaces and careers out there which have everything you are looking for.