Do you know your friends’ love languages?
I am sure that most of you know your love language and, if you have a partner, you will probably know his/hers too, but do you know the love language your friends need, because these can massively help in any friendship?
The five love languages came into our world in 1995 with Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages and therapists have been using these to help in marriage counselling, dating coaching and relationship guidance since then.
These five love languages are:
- Physical touch – holding hands, hugs, sex,
- Acts of service – fixing things, giving lifts, carrying things
- Quality time – dates, doing activities together, instigating time together
- Words of affirmation – declaring love, compliments, kind words
- Gifts – giving gifts to those you love
Being aware of your partner’s love language is important because we do not all share the same values and misunderstanding these can cause huge issues in relationships. Say for example, that you appreciate physical touch, and your partner always gives you this, but he/she however, wants words of affirmation to feel loved, but you never give them because you are focusing on what you feel love looks like. It can lead to feeling like the relationship is not working and that you are not on the same page, but it is simply a lack of understanding of what your partner values.
Love languages in friendships
Hands up if you know what your best friend’s love language is! I would doubt very many people do. But how can we expect friendships to work when we do not know what our friends are looking for and value. A friend may feel the friendship is not working because they are always buying you little gifts (because that is what he/she likes) and you do not seem to appreciate them, yet you are looking for acts of service and your friend never does those things for you.
It can be noticeable also that we give one love language more than others, even if they are not our own love language. For example, you may love to receive acts of service, but know the love language you give most is words of affirmation – to friends and partners. Why is this? I am not sure. Being aware however, is the first step and then things can be adjusted if our relationships and friendships are not working. This should always be the first port of call in any conflict resolution, as the issues could simply be down to this.
If any of your friendships are dwindling or you are feeling like you just do not get each other anymore, or that you have drifted apart, try check out if you are focusing your energy on a love language that does not speak to them. Sometimes it comes naturally, and some people can pick up on what others need in an intuitive way, but if there are problems occurring and you cannot work out why, perhaps it could be a lack of understanding of your friend’s love language.
So, the first thing to do is to tell your friends to take the love language quiz (take the quiz) and then let you know what their love language is. This way, you can always be sure to make the friendship last because you are giving them what they need to feel loved.