6 Signs your relationship is abusive

Finding a partner who is loving, caring, respectful and thoughtful is not an easy task, but once we find someone, sometimes we do not see warning signs that the relationship is turning abusive.

Healthy relationships fill our cup, make us feel positive and add to our happiness, through love, support and friendship. Toxic relationships, on the other hand, drain us of energy, make us question our own personality and sanity, and leave us feeling alone, isolated and hurt.

Even the most perfect, loving relationships can turn toxic quickly and can affect the strongest, most independent people. Toxic people pollute the other person’s life and bring negativity into all aspects of their lives. Some toxic relationships can take years to recover from and can damage the victim on a long-term basis.

Here are 6 signs that your relationship may be turning toxic

1.You have to change your personality around the person

You are not allowed to be messy, ditzy, forgetful or funny without fear of criticism, so you change who you are, play down your strengths and are on edge all the time, in case your behaviour does not please your partner.

2.He/ she becomes controlling

You are no longer allowed to meet friends or family, forcing you to make excuses as to why. Isolating you from your support network is one of the first signs of abuse because you are not spending time with anyone who is fighting your corner.

Controlling behaviour also comes in the form of comments made about your looks, forcing you to change your hair, clothes or make up. You are questioned for spending money on certain things and have to ask permission to do simple activities. If this is happening to you, there is a chance your partner is starting to control, which is one of the first signs of abuse.

3.He/she starts to check your phone/ emails/ social media

When this happens, it not only implies a lack of trust, but is also an element of controlling behaviour because you cannot say how you feel without fear of being watched and your emotions being judged.

4.Belittling you

Criticising you, through name calling, dismissing your opinions or blaming you, are all ways in which he/she gains more power over you by slowly diminishing your self-esteem and confidence levels.

5.Jealousy/ over-possessive behaviour

This is another element of control, where your partner does not like you hanging around with certain people and tries to check in on you when you are out, or exert signs of excessive physical affection to show you belong to him/her.

6.Gaslighting

This is where your partner says something, you do it and then he/she claims it was not said. This could be anything from saying he/she wanted steak for dinner but when you cook it, he/she claims it was chicken, to stating what time they would be home then denying it. This kind of behaviour is malicious in that it makes you question your own sanity, apologise for what you did and then try to fix it. The reality is that all they wanted was the feeling of power and the argument, so no matter what you do, it will be wrong. You literally cannot win with these people. Whatever you do will be wrong. This is extremely manipulative and a gaslighter will deny, blame you or others and find evidence to prove you wrong, as part of the act.

You do not need to put up with abuse in any form

These are all forms of emotional abuse and if you have been a victim of this, please know it is never your fault. It is the result of a damaged person with underlying emotional issues. Being a victim of emotional abuse can cause several emotional and physical symptoms short or long term. From anxiety to panic attacks and insomnia to nightmares, it can require therapy to overcome these types of toxic relationships.

If you feel your relationship is perhaps toxic, please find the courage to leave, or at least speak to someone to give your confidence and justification that you are not to blame. Reach out to friends, family or a therapist, who can help you find the strength to either talk about it with your partner and draw boundaries, or to leave. No one deserves abuse and having a toxic partner is not something that can ever bring you happiness or fill you with positivity because these people prefer power, control and manipulation over caring for you, making you happy and giving you the love that you deserve.