Forever friendships as an expat?
Forever friendships as an expat?
Trying to find friends as an expat can be challenging, disheartening and lonely. Maybe you are working from home, a stay-at-home-mum or have colleagues who you have nothing in common with. It is not always easy to meet people you get on with and the thought of finding lifelong friendships can seem impossible. But do not despair, it can and does happen. Finding friends depends on several things:
- Who you work with
Some people are lucky enough to work in a very sociable environment where colleagues invite you out for drinks regularly and there are others who you get on with on a personal level. However, sometimes we start a new job and know straight away that no one is a potential friend. This is OK. Do not worry. You never know who may start in the future and if you keep your mind open, someone who you feel could never be a friend, may turn into someone you can turn to. If you work from home, work alone or do not work, this option is not feasible so focus your energy elsewhere.
- Friends of friends
Meeting people through friends or a partner is a great way to expand your friendship group and often an easier way to meet people, as you would usually go along with someone you already feel comfortable with. With a friend or partner, you already have something in common so you do not have to challenge yourself as much as trying to meet people alone.
- Your confidence
Having the confidence to go to meet-ups, try new hobbies, socialize with groups you do not know very well is a very courageous thing to do, but you may just click with someone, and these opportunities can open doors for other events in the future. If you are doing activities you love (gym, painting, yoga, book club etc.), at least you benefit from the hobby itself and if you meet anyone new, it is an added bonus. You can meet friends in the most random places so just do as you normally would and you never know who you may meet.
- Willingness to socialize
Sometimes, you can be at a place in your life where you are fine on your own and would rather relax at home doing your own thing, than trying to make new friends. Value your time and your comfort levels and if you do not feel like going out, do not force yourself. It is draining being with people who you do not know well because you cannot fully let your guard down or relax in the initial stages of friendship. When you are ready, you will need to make some effort to make new friends if that is what you are looking for, but otherwise, value your time alone, snuggle up and do what you love in the comfort of your own company.
- Where you are in your life
Some women seek out friends depending on their lifestyle and look for single friends to socialize with, or mum friends to chat with about their toddlers. Some women will look for couple friends so they can socialize as couples and include their partners, but the one thing that matters is connection. Yes, friends can serve different purposes and we may need someone who is a good listener if we are going through a tough time, or someone who is a party animal when you need to be cheered up. However, personally, I do not feel that age, marital status, job or nationality matter when it comes to finding people who you have a genuine connection with. Everyone comes into your life at the right time for a reason so if you keep an open mind and accept invitations, your new best friend could be just around the corner.
For me, one of the best things about having expat friends is that everyone is at different stages of their expat journey. People move on through job losses or offers, a need to return home, itchy feet for a new place or to be with someone they love. The people you met when you first moved abroad, move on to places far and wide and it is so interesting having friends all over the world.
Once an expat friend, always an expat friend, and you will find that, at any point, if someone is passing through where you are and they need somewhere to stay or fancy a catch up, they will be back. Even if it takes years to see someone again, it is amazing catching up on their life and hearing about how things have been since you parted ways. There is never expectation to be talking regularly and as life continues, children are born, children grow up, people meet partners and move countries, one thing you will always have in common is the place you met and the memories that holds for both of you. There is definitely the potential to meet forever friends as an expat.