Fall in love with yourself

In the busy world of modern life, we have so many things to juggle (life, work, family, health) that we often forget to put ourselves first. Caring for parents, pets, children or friends can be demanding and often, we put ourselves to the bottom of the pile, prioritising work or family before our own health. Many people believe that it is selfish to want time alone as a busy mum or to spend money on yourself when there is food to put on the table. However,  this is exactly what we need to do: love yourself first and value what you need to thrive, before focusing your energy on others. If we do not take care of ourselves; having naps when needed or engaging in hobbies to connect with other like-minded people, we can reach mental and physical burnout.

What does self-love look like?

Emotionally – this comprises of your support system, having trusted people you can talk to, as well as regulating your emotions through strong relationships with others and yourself, awareness of your triggers and knowing when to remove yourself from negative situations. Knowing your worth is important, so draw boundaries with people who do not accept you as you are and spend time with people who lift you up.

Physically – eating a nutritious, balanced diet, ensuring you get enough sleep, and exercising as often as you can (recommended 30 mins a day 5 times a week). Looking after your appearance: regularly getting haircuts, going to the dentist, wearing flattering clothes which make you feel like the best version of yourself are all things you can do daily to show yourself some love.

Spiritually – doing things that feed your soul and make you happy. This can be your hobbies, being part of groups, socializing and being involved with something bigger than yourself (a church, an organization, voluntary work, charity work or spiritual work). Meditating has miraculous healing power and can help you manifest the life you want, focus your thoughts, intentionalise your actions and set up your day positively.

Self- talk – Often, we speak to ourselves in a more negative and scathing way than we ever would to a friend. We berate ourselves for not meeting our own standards, beat ourselves up for not doing something well enough or for things that we have said and done. We harbor guilt and shame, perpetuating this cycle of negative self-talk. Have compassion for yourself as if you were talking to someone you love. Be forgiving, kind and encouraging and accept that we all make mistakes, but we learn from them.

Self-acceptance – Accept your past as it has molded who you are today.  Accept that you may have said or done things that you are not proud of, but you can take responsibility by apologizing to anyone you have harmed, expect nothing in return and move on with your life. Once you have ‘cleaned your side of the street’, your guilt and worry will disappear. You can also do this to yourself if you have treated yourself badly.

Gratitude – remind yourself of the amazing things your mind and body CAN do – people relearn to walk after amputations, recover from injuries taking them to the brink of death, push through limitless boundaries, produce babies, go through trauma and abuse and survive – we are amazing beings. There are people across the world coping with atrocities and difficulties beyond anything we can imagine. Gratitude makes us thankful for what we have and while we are in a state of gratitude, we cannot feel any negative emotions. There is always someone worse off than us in the world.

Steps towards loving yourself

So, take some time to get to know yourself again. Get on board with your strengths, your limitations, your positive attributes and the ones that let you down. Take into account your behaviours, your past and accept it all as part of who you are and who you will become. Practice gratitude and self-care every day and believe that you are special, gorgeous and needed to serve your purpose in this world. We all have lumps and bumps, or quirky personality traits that can be annoying, but we have so many more amazing qualities that make us unique. Speak kindly to yourself, forgive yourself when you do something out of character and focus on unconditionally accepting every single part of you – flaws and all.

Treat yourself as if you are in love with yourself – buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to your favourite magazine and a coffee. Put your make up on as if you are trying to impress someone and spray that perfume when leaving the house. Treat your body with care by eating nourishing foods, exercising and resting when you need it. But most of all, allow yourself to do what you enjoy and what feeds your soul; have that massage, indulge now and again, sit for hours in the bath, binge watch Netflix, have a girls’ night, spend time with the ones you love, fill your day with things that make you smile, hug people and treat yourself as if you are the most important person on earth, because you are. The key to falling in love with yourself is to put yourself first, be selfish and become unavailable to things that do harm to your equilibrium. You are the most important person in your life.